Basketball match

As part of my ground-breaking series of exposes on the failings of American team sports, I though’t I’d publish the latest instalment. Of all the pointless American team sports out there, I feel that basketball sucks ass the most.

Who could forget the award-winning 5 Reasons Why Baseball Sucks, and 5 Reasons why American Football Sucks?

Strangely enough, this is a game I loved to play as a kid. It was fast, exciting and a welcome change from constant five-a-side football, World Cup singles and games of S.P.O.T (only Brits of a certain age will know what I mean!).

Sadly, the game just doesn’t cut it for me as a spectator sport. Any game where teams can score more than 50 times each is just silly and predictable. Indeed, the biggest cheers for games often happen when Tom Hanks, David Beckham or Jay Z appear on the big screen.

Basketball just sucks, and here are five reasons why…

5. Someone scores with every attack

Basketball shot

In football (soccer) a goal is a precious commodity. One of the criticisms levelled at the game by Americans, however, is that many games can end as goalless draws. But in my opinion, that just makes it all the more sweet when a beautiful timed volley flies into the back of the net.

In basketball, someone scores every seven seconds. How can you keep cheering after the 43rd time? You can go for a mean, a dump and a breath of fresh air. Who cares if you’ve missed 20 baskets? There will be another 20 along within the next four minutes!

To be honest, someone who is seven feet tall and built like a brick shithouse should be scoring with every shot! There’s no goalie, and they can often simply put the ball in the basket.

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Malcolm is a hotshot copywriter and journalist with a flair for the written word. If he isn't writing fabulously entertaining articles for The Bloke Diary, he's working as a copywriter and blogger. If you like what you read, you can hire Malcolm for extremely competitive prices.